Adventures in Walmart

Wednesday night I decided to go to Walmart at 10pm. Thursday was Maddie's birthday and we didn't have a present for her yet, and Walmart is about the only place open after 10...so I put the kids to bed and headed out. I remember now many reasons it is no fun to go Walmart in the middle of the night! For one thing, there are pallets stacked with boxes, piles of boxes, carts stacked with stuff and boxes EVERYWHERE. It is like a maze trying to get anywhere. Then you add in my huge stomach...I just couldn't squeeze through anywhere.

I had no idea what to get Maddie for her birthday...my first thought was the Guinness book of World Records. (She loves obscure facts and trivia like that). But alas...they don't carry it. I head through the toy section...nothing she would like or that I was willing to buy...until I come to the kids electronic section and see the cameras. She has been wanting her own digital camera for a long time and is actually a good little photographer. Any chance she gets, she sneaks mine (even my phone) and goes on little photo shoots. Then when I downloaded my pictures there are 20 of the cat, stuffed animals, close ups of her face...etc.

BUT we knew we didn't want to get her a kid camera because they are a joke, and don't work well. I went to the camera / photo department and found the cheapest real camera, which of course had to be in one of those packages designed by homeland security which are impossible to get into...and then on a hook with a lock so you can't even take the package off the hook.

Great, now I have to track down an employee. In Walmart, that's like trying to find Sasquatch. I find one guy, who says he'll get someone for me. He walks over to a women you appears to outrank him and talks to her for a sec and comes back, promising me that she will be right with me. She disappears. For 15 min. When I glimpse her again she seems oblivious to the fact that she is supposed to be headed for the camera area. I start towards her and she walks through an "employees only" door. So, I start to look for someone new. (keep in mind, this whole time I don't see anyone else to ask.) I find a maintenance guy sweeping the floor, who again promises me he will find help. I wait another 15 min. I wander the area looking lost and pathetic, hoping someone will offer assistance, but no. Again I go on a hunt and find a shelf-stocker who pages over the loudspeaker, "Immediate customer assistance needed at photo center for a camera". He repeats this twice. Another 10 min goes by and then I lost it.

I figure the electronics / camera area probably has security cameras, so I look around at them and wave. Then I pull my keys out of my purse, being as loud and non-discreet as possible and start trying to break apart the super strong packaging holding it to the hook. I saw at it, I stab it, I make lots of noise, I try to break the lock on the hook...I'm thinking..."come and stop me!" It takes about 5 min, but the package finally breaks off the hook. So, I put it in my cart, walk to the front, pay for it, and go home.

Maddie LOVES her camera.

I am going to call Walmart and tell them to review their security tapes...they will see a very large, angry pregnant women in a bright blue shirt sawing through packaging with car keys because she got fed up with waiting for assistance and needed a birthday present for her 9 year old!